I decided that we are going to have more picnics around here, so I went out to buy lunchboxes. I thought they were too expensive, and didn't look that complicated, so I thought, 'Oh, I can just make some.' Ha. That was really funny. They are really worth every penny they charge for those stupid things! Maybe I should have been smart and actually got a pattern for them instead of just trying to eyeball everything. I have 2 almost done (meaning done enough- I don't know if I'll ever finish them) and I have 2-3 more to go. Maybe it wouldn't have been so bad if my sewing machine actually worked. The tension is all messed up, and the feed dogs don't work anymore. They definitely move, but no matter what I sew, I always have to pull it through. And the little turny wheel on the right gets stuck all the time, so I have to give it a spin each time I start sewing. So you can imagine what I look like when I sew. I'm pushing the pedal, getting only the groaning sound, trying to spin the wheel and pull my fabric through at the same time. Not funny. I'm ready to buy an industrial sewing machine. I think I just sew too much for the machine that I have.
But, the kids really loved their picnic today in the green grass out back all by themselves. Food just tastes better when it comes in disposable packages (even if mom did just divide it into serving size containers). And I loved the quiet moments while they were away. Until...I heard rocks hitting the glass back door. I ran over to see what it was and the kids come to me saying it is raining rocks. I can hear someone weed-eating and see huge clouds of dust over the back fence. I quickly set Aimee down and ran with a chair to the fence and start acting like those stupid crazy ladies that yell at everyone for no reason at all, except there WAS a good reason and I felt good yelling at him. I was protecting my babies while they were playing in the safety (or what should be) of our own back yard. The guy looked at me kinda funny and said 'I can't control it, you see, we are working here' So I yelled back, 'then turn the other direction, you are hitting my kids with rocks!' He turned off his weed-eater and left. Poor guy, he was just doing his job and was attacked by a psychotic woman over the fence. Boy, did it feel GOOD!
I guess I can consider myself a REAL mom now that I yell at people that I don't even know just to protect my kids. :-)
10.08.2009
Wow! What a crazy month it has been. My sister was diagnosed with malignant melanoma. She is only 23. She is expecting her first baby. I have spent countless hours researching cancer and the signs and risks. I have come across blog of people who have lost loved ones or are fighting for their life right now. I cried with them. I cried for my sister. I cried for me. I cried for my children. I cried for our parents. I cried for those dying. I cried for those having to live as widows. Needless to say, I cried a lot b/c my sister had cancer.
Then, last night we got an email from her saying that she did not have cancer. The lab had mixed up the samples. Someone else had cancer, not my sister. I had a flood of emotions at that point. I wrote this email to her this morning that describes it pretty well:
when I read this last night, I was livid. I was angry for all that you had to go through needlessly. Not knowing if you were going to be able to see your child grow to adulthood or possibly having to have some severe cancer treatment. Mad at the dr's office for screwing it up. Mad that you probably would have had another surgery and pretty heafty scarring needlessly, possibly a lymph node removed. I was mad that our whole family was worried so much about you and also about our sudden increase in cancer risk. I was mad that I had spent countless hours researching cancer and how to know when you should see a dr. Then I went to bed. Angry and a little relieved. Then I actually slept last night (which is rare with a baby). I dreamed. I was peaceful. I dreamed of being friends with people that I had previously disliked. I dreamed that I could see a different perspective. I dreamed that life was happy. That there is hope in life. I was happy. I woke up feeling peace. That suddenly turned to sorrow when I realized that b/c of your mole not being cancerous, that someone else's was. I was sorry for them. I cried for them. I hoped for them. I was saddened for their family and loved ones. I could do this b/c I have felt what it is like having a loved one with cancer. Not just any cancer, mind you, but the most deadly type of skin cancer. This experience has made me a better person. A little more aware of how fragile life can be. A little more aware that we are not invincible. A little more patient and loving. More open about my true feelings, not just the raging feelings of each moment. I'm sorry that you had a roller coaster of a month, but at least it is over and not just starting. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me.
I have always been the one to say that everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Please, let us all live each day as if we will not see tomorrow. Let us love a little more. Let us show our love to others a little more often. Make someone happy today. Greet a stranger with a smile. Do a kind deed each day. Make this world a little happier. You never know if the person you meet at the grocery store is grieving the loss of a loved one or if the person who just rear-ended you on the street is on the way to the hospital to say good-bye for the last time to her husband (this really happened to someone I found on blogger).
Please also remember to do your cancer checks once a month. Get to know your body. Look for anything that is different. A sudden itchiness that won't go away. A new pain. A change in size or shape. An unexplained burning redness. Dimpling in the skin that is not the normal chunky dimples :-) And for your moles: remember the ABCDE. Assymetry, borders, color, diameter, evolving. Basically if you know your body and suddenly it is different and there is no way to explain it (i.e. you were not injured running or bitten by an insect) then please go see your doctor. Cancer does not have to be a nasty word. Usually if you catch it early enough, your chances of survival are greatly increased or at least greatly prolonged. Don't ignore things just b/c you are afraid of hearing the word cancer. It is much easier to hear the words 'stage 1 cancer' than it is to hear the words 'stage 4 cancer'.
I am so thankful for all of you. I love all of you so much. Have a great day.
Then, last night we got an email from her saying that she did not have cancer. The lab had mixed up the samples. Someone else had cancer, not my sister. I had a flood of emotions at that point. I wrote this email to her this morning that describes it pretty well:
when I read this last night, I was livid. I was angry for all that you had to go through needlessly. Not knowing if you were going to be able to see your child grow to adulthood or possibly having to have some severe cancer treatment. Mad at the dr's office for screwing it up. Mad that you probably would have had another surgery and pretty heafty scarring needlessly, possibly a lymph node removed. I was mad that our whole family was worried so much about you and also about our sudden increase in cancer risk. I was mad that I had spent countless hours researching cancer and how to know when you should see a dr. Then I went to bed. Angry and a little relieved. Then I actually slept last night (which is rare with a baby). I dreamed. I was peaceful. I dreamed of being friends with people that I had previously disliked. I dreamed that I could see a different perspective. I dreamed that life was happy. That there is hope in life. I was happy. I woke up feeling peace. That suddenly turned to sorrow when I realized that b/c of your mole not being cancerous, that someone else's was. I was sorry for them. I cried for them. I hoped for them. I was saddened for their family and loved ones. I could do this b/c I have felt what it is like having a loved one with cancer. Not just any cancer, mind you, but the most deadly type of skin cancer. This experience has made me a better person. A little more aware of how fragile life can be. A little more aware that we are not invincible. A little more patient and loving. More open about my true feelings, not just the raging feelings of each moment. I'm sorry that you had a roller coaster of a month, but at least it is over and not just starting. Thank you for the lessons you have taught me.
I have always been the one to say that everything happens for a reason. There is a lesson to be learned in everything. Please, let us all live each day as if we will not see tomorrow. Let us love a little more. Let us show our love to others a little more often. Make someone happy today. Greet a stranger with a smile. Do a kind deed each day. Make this world a little happier. You never know if the person you meet at the grocery store is grieving the loss of a loved one or if the person who just rear-ended you on the street is on the way to the hospital to say good-bye for the last time to her husband (this really happened to someone I found on blogger).
Please also remember to do your cancer checks once a month. Get to know your body. Look for anything that is different. A sudden itchiness that won't go away. A new pain. A change in size or shape. An unexplained burning redness. Dimpling in the skin that is not the normal chunky dimples :-) And for your moles: remember the ABCDE. Assymetry, borders, color, diameter, evolving. Basically if you know your body and suddenly it is different and there is no way to explain it (i.e. you were not injured running or bitten by an insect) then please go see your doctor. Cancer does not have to be a nasty word. Usually if you catch it early enough, your chances of survival are greatly increased or at least greatly prolonged. Don't ignore things just b/c you are afraid of hearing the word cancer. It is much easier to hear the words 'stage 1 cancer' than it is to hear the words 'stage 4 cancer'.
I am so thankful for all of you. I love all of you so much. Have a great day.
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